The sun is setting.
The last rays of today come through the blinds
Casting splintered, oblong shadows.
A small speck of dust gets caught in the light.
And for one glorious moment,
It is illuminated.
A beautiful thing surrounded by a sea of shadow.
I watch it fall back into obscurity and sigh.
Another hollow laugh;
The moment strikes me a bit funny.
Such a beautiful insignificance.
My head falls slowly to my hands.
Eyes closed hard,
As if I close them hard enough and open them
Things will be different.
A silent plea, and I open my eyes
And stare into a determinately empty room.
Another sigh and another laugh.
If I were dreaming this,
Then Life is crueler than I thought.
A deep breath steels me for my night.
The cold tile of the bathroom floor
Gives me a resolute welcome.
And the bottle in my hand
Prepares to offer his help.
The offer is not without its strings.
But I accept it, as I always do.
The sun has gone now.
I swallow hard and hope that I can sleep through the night.
Hope I can make it through this sneering darkness.
I've made it before.
I do every time.
And if I make it tonight…
Life is crueler than I thought.